That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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