Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
