I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best revenge is premature balding
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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