I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
