Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
