Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
