I should be sponsored by Trojan
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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