Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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