My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
