i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize