Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
