OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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