Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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