Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
