Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
