I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize