Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
