The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
