There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
