You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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