Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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