I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
