Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
