He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize