I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
