Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
