we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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