I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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