i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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