we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
