Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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