He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
