I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want a musical about memes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
