The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
