That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize