She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
