just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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