I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
