My friends, they love my intelligence
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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