This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
