I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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