The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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