Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
