why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
