Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize