there's paper in my vomit.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
