Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
