I heard we made out
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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