hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
