You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
