i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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