How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
