Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
