Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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