I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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