He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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