Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
