Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
