Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
