I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
