one might say we're banned from that church
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
