final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
