So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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