So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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