my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
